


Things left Unsaid

by BakerStTardis (Sokashi)



Series: Hobbit Advent [10]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2013-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-04 08:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokashi/pseuds/BakerStTardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hobbit Advent Day Ten. Prompt hot chocolate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> You'll want to have read yesterday's to understand this one.

Bilbo ended up not going to his rooms like he planned. He was too afraid Fili or Kili would turn up and he didn't want that. He owed them apologies at the very least. An explanation would be nice, only he wasn't sure what to say. His fight with Thorin had left him feeling...raw and shaking, restless and a little panicked. He- he didn't know what he wanted or what to say or what to do. More than anything he just wanted to curl up and not think for a while, but that look on Thorin's face drove him on.

It was his fault, that look. For the first time it was really his fault for making Thorin feel that way and that thought was enough to make Bilbo feel sick. So he walked the halls for a while, skipping dinner, well past the time he knew the others would start worrying about him, but he wasn't ready yet to face anyone. It got late and the mountain got quiet. Bilbo let the silence of the night soak into him, calming him even if it did nothing else. There were no answers in the dark and quiet, though, and eventually he was just exhausted. Too tired to continue being upset and lost. With a sigh, he went back to his rooms and decided to face it all in the morning. Thorin first, bright and early, before the dwarf could try to avoid him. Then Fili and Kili who would be both easier and harder. Easier because they forgave readily. Harder because Bilbo wanted to sooth whatever sting he'd left behind with them. It was a plan, at least. And, exhausted, Bilbo clung to it in the hopes that how he'd accomplish both would come to him during the night.

His rooms were down the hall from the royals, an honor he didn't feel he deserved at all that night. He tried not to look at them and moved silently as he opened the door only to freeze at what was inside. A fire was blazing in his hearth, food was laid on his low table before it and Thorin stood at his entrance, looking awkward and uncertain by Bilbo's chair. 

"Bilbo." The dwarf said quickly, as if afraid Bilbo would just turn and leave. Then Thorin stopped, looking uncertain, and shifted from foot to foot as Bilbo stared at him, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to run, but it was cowardly and foolish, so he just took a breath and closed the door. 

"Thorin." Bilbo said a little cooly, because he was- not hurt or even angry anymore. He wasn't sure what he was but maybe... Disappointed. In both of them. A hard lump was forming in his throat, the kind that led to tears, and he forced it down because he certainly didn't want to start crying again. Eventually it was just going to get embarrassing.

Thorin straighten at his name and visibly set his jaw, his hands making nervous fists at his sides. "Bilbo, I'm-" He seemed choked a minute then continued quickly. "I don't want to fight with you." He admitted in a low voice. "I never do, but it seems to keep happening and its not what I want." The words rushed out, low and soft, unlike bilbo had ever heard him speak. "I asked you here, I brought you to Erebor because I missed you. I wanted you nearby and you came. I have no idea why you came but you did and I'm grateful every day, but I don't know why you did and I think about it too much and I don't deserve it. You're right. Not after what I did to you-"

Bilbo shook his head and stepped forward, putting a hand on Thorin's arm to stop him because it didn't sound like he was going to stop anytime soon and frankly Bilbo knew Thorin felt guilty. It was there in his eyes when he looked at Bilbo, it was in every decision the king made for his people. It was something Thorin faced every time he dealt with anyone outside the mountain because everyone knew what he'd done. They all had their own opinions about Thorin's goldsickness and him almost killing one of his closest friends before banishing him on the eve of battle. Bilbo had plenty of proof of Thorin's lingering guilt and no need to make Thorin say it.

Thorin fell silent at his touch, face tense and grim as he looked down at him. Then Bilbo was facing the long seconds where he needed to speak but didn't know what to say. It was important, this moment. He could feel it and desperately didn't want to mess it up. So he gave Thorin a little, cautious smile and ignored the way his heart was pounding like he was facing a dragon. "Thorin, we were both stupid. Stupid and wrong and so....stubborn." He shook his head a little. "And I'm sorry too. I WANT to be here. It wasn't a decision at all when you asked. The Shire, it isn't home anymore. Not for me. And honestly I'm not sure Erebor is, either." He watched Thorin's face fall before the king tried to hide the expression and Bilbo squeezed the arm under his hand. "But you are my home. All of you." He pulled his hand away, uncomfortable, the rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know what's wrong with me around you anymore. I say things and they're terrible. Even I can hear it, but I can't seem to stop it and you-" He looked up at Thorin and snorted. "you're a right arse sometimes, but-" Bilbo searched for words, hoping he was making sense because he felt like a mess. "I don't know how to fix this, Thorin. I can't seem to say and do the right things around you and I don't, I don't THINK I'm still holding everything against you." He said earnestly. "I don't want to, but it just happens." Thorin nodded and turned away, but Bilbo followed. "You blame me, though, don't you. For leaving." The hobbit said cautiously, afraid to set Thorin off. The thought made Bilbo feel a little sick, because he'd never considered it from that light.

"No." Thorin said too quickly and under Bilbo's practiced chastising stare, the dwarf bowed his head, but he didn't speak. Bilbo stepped closer and poked his friend in the gut. The action made Thorin look up at him with a startled, affronted look.

"Tell me Thorin."

Thorin shook his head slowly, eyes not leaving Bilbo's face. "It was your right to leave. It was the plan for you from the beginning."

"Don't defend me." Bilbo frowned, resisting the urge to snap at him in annoyance. "If it hurt you, just say so."

Thorin looked at him in pain, glanced away a moment, then sighed miserably before glancing back again. "It...was not a good moment, when I found you'd left." He admitted haltingly.

Bilbo snorted a laugh, making Thorin look at him in surprise. "Hello, King-Of-The-Understatement. Have you met my friend King-Under-The-Mountain? Because I'm trying to have a conversation with him and he's trying to protect me from what he really wants to say."

Thorin stared at him a second, the look on his face touched with amusement. Then he gave a short nod of acceptance and kept his eyes downcast as he spoke. "I was furious." He admitted. " I didn't expect it from you. Not even after what I'd done. Not after you said you forgave me. You didn't say goodbye. Not even to Fili and Kili-" He shook his head dismissively but Bilbo moved forward, touching his arm again, making his friend look at him. 

"I'm sorry." Bilbo said, eyes burning. "I-" He tried to think back to that awful time but he'd spent so much time trying to forget it that he couldn't call much beyond heartbreak and the sense of suddenly being abandoned. Looking up at Thorin he shook his head, hoping his sincerity showed. "I'm sorry, Thorin. I don't know what I was thinking beyond that it would be best- or maybe just easiest to go. I-" He took a breath that shuddered a little. "I thought you wanted me gone."

"Never." Thorin said immediatly, surely. Then he flushed a bit. "Well, never when I'm in my right mind." He amended.

Bilbo smiled up at him. "I am sorry. For then and for how I keep acting. I'll try to be better if you'll try not to treat me so... delicately. Its very annoying." Thorin smiled back and bowed his head slightly.

"I think I can manage that."

"Good." Bilbo said and caught Thorin's arm again when he started to move away. "And , Thorin, I came to Erebor because you're my friends. My family. I won't give that up." Bilbo met Thorin's eyes when the dwarf looked up at him and lifted his chin."After all we'd been through I certainly couldn't just leave you behind. As for the Shire," Bilbo sighed and looked away. "The shire is my home and I could be happy there. Was happy there. But not as happy as I am with the Company." He glanced up cautiously at Thorin and found him looking just a little pleased and smug again. Bilbo snorted and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it's just because I've been ruined by all your bad manners and can't handle kindness anymore."

Thorin's grin widened as he reached to put a hand on Bilbo's shoulder. "Then you'll be very uncomfortable with this." He urged Bilbo to sit in the off chair- not the one Bilbo usually took- then graciously poured Bilbo a thick cup of hot chocolate. The smell filled the room, chocolate and cinnamon and heavy with cream. The table in front of him was covered in blackberry scones and delicate cookies, dozens of cake bits and slices of pie. Not the most rounded of evening meals, but certainly a delicious one. Apparently he wasn't the only one to think sweets made a good apology.

Thorin chuckled as he sat across from him, watched Bilbo sniff the cup with pleasure before taking a tiny sip. It was perfect. The dwarf's face darkened a little, with thought and he offered Bilbo a plate, catching his eyes in the process. "I am sorry, Bilbo." He said again, his voice filling the room full of sadness snd sincerity. "I will do my best not to keep upsetting you."

The words made Bilbo screw his eyes up in annoyance. "Don't interrupt the hot chocolate, Thorin." He snapped but watched Thorin smile at the familiarity. Bilbo grunted and settled deeper into his chair. "And when you do make more stupid mitskes, you can just bring more of this hot chocolate with your next apology as well." He added, making Thorin laugh before they fell into an easy silence before his fire.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully that wasn't too much of a mess. I'm running a little late and want to get it up. Hope you liked it!


End file.
